Dad demands wife take vacation days to spend time with his 13-year-old daughter, Lara, during summer break, wife refuses and claims: ‘Lara is not my daughter’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jun 29, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

How far should a step-mom be willing to go to bond with an unresponsive teenager?

Connecting with a teenager is tough, no matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you're their parent, their fun aunt, or a grandparent; these kids are just too difficult to understand. They run on their own logic, and they get annoyed by everything, which basically leaves any adult nearby grappling to form any type of connection.

That doesn't mean that you should give up. Eventually, teenagers either grow up enough to leave their annoyed attitude behind, and you both manage to move forward together. Even if you didn't have a solid relationship before they entered adolescence, there is still hope to bond afterwards. All you gotta do is hold tight and not get off the roller coaster.

However, some people don't see all this hard work as worth it, especially if their relationship with the said teenager is not as important as that of a parent. How far should they be willing to go to bond with a teenager if all they get out of it is a shrug and some attitude? 

That is a question the wife in the story below is currently asking herself, as she is trying to figure out if all the effort she is putting into connecting and raising her husband's 13-year-old daughter is actually worth it. It's not only that the daughter is spoiled and condescending, it's that her dad is also no help at all. It doesn't seem like he wants to listen to his wife's input about raising his daughter, and he is not interested in changing any of his parenting ways.

So, if no one is willing to try to make this family dynamic work, why should the wife try herself? But when she made it clear she had given up, her husband did not take it very well. He wants them all to go on a summer vacation, while his wife doesn't want to spend her vacation days on a teenager who wants nothing to do with her…

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  • AITAH for not taking days off from work to spend time with my partner and his 13Y old daughter?

    So, I, 37 F and 39 M, have been married for 3 years now. I am childless and will stay so.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • Young girl sitting on stone steps with a backpack on, actor depicting.
    via Ary Pura

    Young girl sitting on stone steps with a backpack on, actor depicting.

  • I knew he had a daughter, but I never had any issue with that. His daughter, let's call her Lara, is now 13 years old and honestly I don't have any problem with her being around every other week during my work weeks.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I mostly work from home and do everything around the house, including taking care of Lara.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I also have a full- time job and my partner works shifts, so I get to spend plenty of time with Lara.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • We have a very good relationship. There is one thing that has bothered me a lot lately.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • Lara is extremely spoiled by her parents and lazy and spends the whole day on her phone, tablet or TV.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • She won't even walk 100 m to the supermarket to run a small errand or get herself something.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I am a very active person. I love sports, cycling and getting out. My partner is also very active and I tried several times to get her to join us, but she complained the entire time and eventually my partner would take her home.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • Even walking around a shopping centre or on the beach is a huge no for her.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • Her ideal day is sitting somewhere, scrolling social media and being fed. I know she is in puberty and has teenage mood swings, but neither of her parents encourages her to be more active or spend less time online, which annoyed me as well.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • My partner got mad with me once, because I asked Lara to take a glass to the dishwasher since she was heading to the kitchen.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • A few other things happened, which basically led to me not considering her as part of the household.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I also stopped being involved with her, since it was not appreciated by my partner if we disagreed.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • Lara is not my daughter and therefore not my responsibility. She has two parents and I figured I should stay out of it completely.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I no longer ask her to do something or join and simply leave it as an option.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • Anyway, here's where I got annoyed. We are staying in our home country this summer and Lara will stay with us for the first 3 weeks of her break.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • My partner insists that I take vacation days to spend time with him and Lara. I refused.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • Actress depicting a girl sitting on a sofa and playing with her smartphone.
    via Getty Images

    Actress depicting a girl sitting on a sofa and playing with her smartphone.

  • I don't want to spend my hard- earned vacation days on a kid who is grumpy all day and has huge mood swings.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I told him he can spend all the time he wants with her, but I won't take days off.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I am happy to join on weekends or when I'm already off work. He got mad and said he wants us to make memories together as a family.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I told him she is not my daughter and it isn't fair to expect me to take time off because he struggles to deal with her alone.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I don't want to spend my vacation just sitting somewhere because moving around ruins Lara's mood.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I do feel guilty because he said I hurt his feelings and that I am dismissive of his daughter.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • I don't think that's fair, since I basically take care of everything, including Lara. I like Lara, but I want to spend my vacation doing things I enjoy.
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335
  • So, AITAH for refusing to take vacation days to spend time with my partner and his daughter?
    via Embarrassed-Let-7335

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Tags

family drama kids mother teenagers wife parenting husband family women summer vacation parents children Father vacation
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